Back up. I guess I should start like this: Hi, I'm Whitney. I have bipolar disorder. Bipolar 2 to be exact, although there's nothing exact about it.
The dysphoric mania. Bipolar disorder, or manic depression as it's also known, has two components; depression and mania, redundantly. That's not an in-depth, scientific explanation, but this isn't a college paper or a dictionary. It's just a blog.
I digress.
Again.
Dysphoric mania has all the drive and the up up up of its regular version, but also the anger, irritability, discomfort, and negativity of depression. It's also called a mixed state. It feels like all of those horrible emotions with the gas pedal down to the floor. Not only do you feel shitty, you feel ACTIVELY shitty.
me feeling actively shitty
There I was, in this fit, reliving every bad thing I'd ever done. Not just the really bad stuff; everything. I have a whole other blog post planned about this exact moment, the fit, in which I go to semi great lengths to tell someone I hardly knew and don't know now that I was sorry I was mean to them one time over 20 years ago. You know, that kind of thing.
Except that if you're not bipolar, you probably don't know that kind of thing. Not to the extreme edges. Maybe you do, I'm not going to tell you your experience. I'm here to share mine.
That's what this blog is about. I want to take the shame and stigma out of my mental illness. I want to find people like me, to share our common and uncommon experiences. Educate or at least shine light on it for people who don't know or understand, especially if they are willing to understand.
I just hope it helps someone.
No comments:
Post a Comment