There are a lot of reasons for this, from genetics to poor diet to being overweight to drug and alcohol use to having asthma to having bipolar etc.
One of the big things, though, is how I handle stress. Spoiler alert: not well. I get overwhelmed easily, and I'm constantly angry. I'm particularly angry today, and I'm trying so. flipping. hard. to reign it in.
It's like trying to shove lava back into a volcano.
I don't know if it helps if I get pissed first and then calm myself. I suppose it does? Right now all I can focus on is that I get to take my Paxil tonight.
Paxil, my miracle drug. Happiness in a fucking bottle. I can only take it one week a month, to combat my PMDD. Which is what's probably causing the aforementioned volcano of anger right now. Paxil makes me feel amazing. Walking on air amazing. Nothing can bring me down.
Hello there, hypomania. Also known as: my favorite place to be. Hypomania is delightful. I'm friendly to everyone I meet. Nothing is bringing me down. All my feelings are positive, nothing makes me mad, I'm skipping down the damn street.
Okay, you ask, why can't you just stay on it?
The inevitable crash just might kill me. It almost did last time.
So I suppose I'll just enjoy one week every month, try to shove the hornets back into their hive, and do some deep breathing.
Breathe in calmness, breathe out fuck you fuck you fuck you. Breathe in love, breathe out god damn this god damn fuck! Breathe in happiness, breathe out where's my fucking Paxil?
