They're going well until they're not, anyway.
Recently, I've noticed something has changed. And that something is my temper. I've been overwhelmed with intense flares of anger that I've been able to keep mostly to myself, but I worry it might start to leak out, that the grossness of it will spill over into my life and onto people in it. Everything is frustrating and rage inducing.
The problem is, I know I need to talk to my psychiatrist about it... but I kind of don't want to. Ever since I was diagnosed and started meds, I've had this weird eye watering empathy issue, where I'll be talking to someone and start crying almost. Well, no, it's just like my eyes get really teary, and it's incredibly embarrassing. I don't even really feel any emotion that would lead to crying, and yet there I am, trying to discreetly wipe my eyes. But since my temper has been on the rise, this has receded a bit, and I like that. I don't want to look like I'm crying every time I talk to someone. I'd almost rather be pissed off. So I haven't talked to my psych about it, although I think it's getting to the point that I need to.
This possibly means upping my meds, or switching them, neither one am I looking forward to. Adding a new one? Ugh, pass.
My behavior is starting to feel erratic though, and something should probably be addressed. I'm just afraid that, once this is dealt with, I'll be back to the stupid crying problem I was having.
This is never easy, admitting it or having to deal with it.
It would be nice to just feel happy for once. Like, more than just in fleeting moments. So I guess the only thing to do is try to medicate myself into submission, because counting to ten is bullshit and just makes me madder.
So I guess I'll spill my guts about this at my next appointment and hope there's some fix that doesn't involve me being a weepy mess instead.
