By The Book

This is not a blog post really, just a handful of things I collected from my psych book that I found pertinent:

"Heavy alcohol consumption, physical inactivity, being overweight, and having a physical or lifetime mental disorder are also associated with job burnout (Ahola, et al., 2006)."


"After several years, CharlieAnn began to hate her job. She dreaded going to work in the morning, and she gradually developed a callous, hostile attitude... CharlieAnn’s absenteeism from work increased, and one day she decided that she had had enough and quit. (Rice University 2016)."


"Years later, Friedman and Booth-Kewley (1987), after statistically reviewing 101 studies examining the link between personality and illness, proposed the existence of disease-prone personality characteristics, including depression, anger/hostility, and anxiety."


"A classic study in the late 1970s looked at over 8,000 manic-depressive persons in Denmark, finding a nearly 50% increase in deaths from heart disease among these patients compared with the general Danish population (Weeke, 1979)."


"In one study, death rates from cardiovascular problems was substantially higher in depressed people; depressed men were 50% more likely to have died from cardiovascular problems, and depressed women were 70% more likely (Ösby, Brandt, Correia, Ekbom, & Sparén, 2001)."


"In an ongoing study of childhood depression, adolescents who had been diagnosed with depression as children were more likely to be obese, smoke, and be physically inactive than were those who had not received this diagnosis (Rottenberg et al., 2014). One implication of this study is that depression, especially if it occurs early in life, may increase the likelihood of living an unhealthy lifestyle, thereby predisposing people to an unfavorable cardiovascular disease risk profile."


"This case suggests that the use of Facebook and other forms of social media may represent a new source of stress—it may be a triggering factor for asthma attacks, especially in depressed asthmatic individuals. (D’Amato, Liccardi, Cecchi, Pellegrino, & D’Amato, 2010)."


"Exposure to stressful experiences, particularly those that involve parental or interpersonal conflicts, has been linked to the development of asthma throughout the lifespan (Rice University, 2016)."

Carpe Diem

As I was laying in bed last night, trying to fall asleep, I had an epiphany. It might not seem like a big deal to some, but for me it was huge: my life isn't over.

When I graduated College: Take 1, I was already off the path of that degree. I had gotten a job at a veterinary hospital, and I was thrilled. I really, really liked my job, for the first time in my life. I moved from being a kennel attendant to a grooming assistant. I eventually became a groomer. Though aspects of the job were frustrating, I still mostly liked it.

I shifted from grooming job to grooming job, and the burnout became real. I hurt all the time. I'd wake up with my arms completely numb, and throbbing pain in my elbows. My hands ached, and my shoulders complained. I sucked it up, because I thought it was the best I could do. I made my bed, I should lie in it. I had no other skills or experience, and the only thing on the horizon for me was retail.

Yes this is a gross "pelt" I shaved off a dog.

I have also always struggled with my weight. I bounced from the anorexia of my early teens to binge eating to compensate. I never learned to have healthy habits, not with eating or exercising. Food was either the enemy or the compatriot. I yo-yoed constantly, losing a ton of weight by meticulously counting calories and working out 12+ hours a week, then finally getting exhausted and putting it all back on. I finally decided that I'd just be fat, that I had no other choice.

Binging on some bread. Yikes.

I don't know what changed in me. Maybe it's just having reasonable mental health and not hating myself all the time, not wallowing in my circumstances. But last night, I realized that I can do things with my life that I want. I can achieve goals, and live the life I actually want to have. I can go back to school, and work towards getting a career, one that I'm excited about. I can make small changes, and be consistent, and I'm capable of losing weight in a healthy, sustainable way. None of these things will come quickly, and I'll need to be patient with the process and myself. But I think I finally can do that.

I was miserable for so long, and I thought it was normal. Now that I know it's not, I don't want to settle for less than I deserve. And I'm finally figuring out that I'm worthy of happiness. My diagnosis has opened my eyes. I don't love having to swallow a handful of pills every day, for the rest of my life, but it's better than the alternative.

Psych meds for the win!

Now I can look forward to the future, not be paralyzed by the anxiety of where it might take me. I'm not a victim of my self-imposed circumstances anymore.